he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
