dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
