my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
