His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Randomize
