part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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