Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
