found the other keg... it's in the tree
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
