Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
