I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
