well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize