i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
