too bad you live with your parents still
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
