Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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