just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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