This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
