Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
