Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
