I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
