She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
