I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
