happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
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