he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
