This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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