Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So squirting runs in the family.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Randomize
