Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
