it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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