Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
