there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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