How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I need moral support for this bender
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize