no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
