My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
