i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
