Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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