She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
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