i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
