i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
