she was so not down for the gang bang
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
