so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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