I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
