I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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