margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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