So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
not ubering you a puppy
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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