Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
