i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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