it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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