ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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