my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I want her autograph on my taint
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
