I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
