Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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