I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
