if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
