DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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