It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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