dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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