I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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