Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
