Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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