His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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