I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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