plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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