I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
