Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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