I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
