soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
