Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize