If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i think i just naturally attract stoners
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
