I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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