wakey wakey hands off snakey
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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