i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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