Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
