I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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