I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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