pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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