Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
