wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Mom said you looked used
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
