on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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