Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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