After last night, I could never be a politician.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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