Pappa wants mamma naked
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
