I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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