Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
