:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
