I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
