I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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