Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
