A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
