he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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