i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
time to smoke my breakfast
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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