now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
