I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
even my farts smell like vagina
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
