The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Operation Purity has been aborted
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
