every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
