how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
