a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
