He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
