does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
