I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
